I find it amazing how much my life, and my view of the world, has changed since that time. As I look back, I wish nothing more than to return to that time in my life, when so many things seemed so certain - at least in my head. The world was a grand, happy place, and I could not wait to see it all. I wish I could feel that way again, but I am not sure that I will, at least for some time.
The world changed drastically within the years after our tour. The internet increased its social influence, the speed of life accelerated, wars started and have yet to end, and the seemingly endless opportunities I saw in my future aligned themselves in a short, narrow path.
Sometimes I wonder how I got to where I am today. As I look back, never once did I envision the experiences I had at Kilgore College. Never once did I think I would attend the University of Texas. Never once did I think that I would attend law school.
Where did I go? Where did my enthusiastic vision of the world go? Where did my inner drive and endless imagination go? What happened to the kid who raised thousands of dollars to go to Europe just by asking random people to give him checks? What happened to the kid who wanted nothing more in life than to pursue music as a career, regardless of the financial incentives? What happened to living in New York City and composing music for motion pictures? What happened to the kid who had such inner drive to succeed that no one could tell him what could and could not be done? What happened to the high school junior that started a small company with little more than a single immature slogan as its product? More importantly, what happened to the people?
What happened to my friends? Certainly I have made new friends in Austin, but those relationships are different. They are firm friendships, but they can not compare to the friendships I built growing up in Sealy, Texas. Many people in Austin do not understand what it is like to grow up in a small town. People, not possessions, mean everything. The class you start with in Kindergarten is the class you graduate with in high school. Other than a few random encounters over the last decade, where are the people that I could not have imagined life without at the time? I've only seen my best friend from high school once in the last five years, I've only seen a couple of my friends from the Sound of America tour in the last decade, and so many of the people who I grew up with seem like complete strangers when I encounter them.
I am optimistic about my future, but I cannot deny that I deeply mourn the loss of who I was ten years ago.
Where did I go?
